when we finally kiss goodnight

mood: content
current album of choice: sufjan stevens - songs for christmas
currently: listening to sufjan, sipping hot apple cider from my favorite mug, and watching the gentle snow embrace the ground.

Yesterday was the first day of my ski season! Bogus Basin finally has enough snow and is now open. Since I have a season pass I only stayed for about three and a half hours but it was well worth it. A great day of skiing to say the least.

So this year my extended family on my fathers side decided that we wont be exchanging gifts this year. Last year they decided that we would just get a gift for one family a piece-which was lame since we had already purchased gifts in advance-and this year no gifts shall be exchanged. I really hate this idea. Its not like the gifts were much but that's not the point, It was always nice to see the effort that was put into finding something of need. Its just kind of frustrating to me that they think its not worth it or needed this year. For me the only way I get into the Christmas spirit is giving. Be it time, gifts, or just love, Christmas is about giving. It just feels wrong to so trivially do away with this tradition.

Its taken me a lot longer than usually this year but I finally feel the Christmas spirit. All it took was some snow, skiing, and service. It was worth the wait though because there is no other time of the year for me that compares to Christmas. It is my absolute favorite.

The only thing I don't like during the Christmas season is being away from loved ones. It is far worse than the rest of the year.

I hope you all are enjoying the season!

The Difference Between Medicine And Poison Is The Dose

Ive been listening to Radiohead a lot
I cried and threw up today
The thing I want most I'll never be able to have
I run because it momentarily quells the constant urge to scream
Im scared but don't know why
I spend money uncontrollably
I feel like im stuck

Tastes Like Happy

Let me just start off by saying how excited I am for this Christmas season! Its probably the most excited I have been in quite a few years. I think I will head up into the mountains and cut down a Christmas Tree next week sometime since I only work two days. Yay for cheap gas enabling me to go on adventures a little further away from home! I'm sure there will be more on that next week.

So this week was a little weird but it was still definitely quite enjoyable. I had a strange work schedule due to Thanksgiving and all of its festivities, I didn't get nearly enough miles of running in and I only slept one hour before going to work on Black Friday. It was good to get some hours in at best buy and I really hope I continue to get a decent amount of work because I really like that job. Black Friday wasn't too bad and beside a few rude jerks I actually had fun and felt good about my performance. My department (Digital Imaging) had the highest percentage of services sold in the store so that feels good too.

I'm just really excited for the future right now. I'm not really sure even what next week will bring but I am ready, waiting, and stoked. I could use a little snow in the mountains though......

Sunday's a Fun Day

Basically yesterday was an awesome Sunday for me. These past couple of weeks I haven't had consistent wards or amounts of church due to the lack of intelligence of Best Buy. It took them three weeks to process that the only day I am not available is Sunday and that is the day I was working every single week. So anyway no more working on Sundays! Yesterday was one of those Sundays that really does a lot for your testimony and revitalizes all the goals and plans you make to strive to be better, kind of like a mini general conference. So between that, getting some more hours at work, being blessed with an awesome family, the holiday season coming so soon, and some improvements in my running I am really happy! There are still a few things that could make me a little happier but Ill just keep working on them. For now at least I am content and excited for the future! I wanted to write a little more but I have to run to work now since Im getting more hours!
If you would like to know more I would love to chat sometime.
Peace

Lost in a Silent Ballet

Distance will never smother my love for you, our memories span the miles in my mind and in seconds we are together. But whenever I start feeling sad cuz I miss you I remind myself how lucky I am to have someone so special to miss...

Getting old is enough to kill a man

I am officially getting old. I've seen the signs coming for the past year or two now. I stay sore a little longer, my joints start to ache a little, and I can often feel deaths cold hand creeping over me. Well the last one might have been an exaggeration but today I really do feel old. I threw my back out for the first time and let my tell you that I feel bad for thinking adults were just being wimps when 'their backs hurt'. The lack of sympathy is no more, I can now completely empathize.

I have been pretty rough on my body these past couple of weeks but come on I'm only twenty years old. I guess I better start going to bed at like seven o'clock like an old person. While I'm at it I might as well just shrivel up and die already. If you can't tell, this is really a traumatic event for me. One moment I felt young and spry as I attempted to frolic across the street in front of my house to go retrieve my disc and the next I was doubled over on the ground wondering what the poop happened. It took me a couple of seconds to realize what happened because I never thought I would throw out my back at this age.

Well whats done is done and I guess there isn't much to do except accept the facts of life. Next time I think about taking a nice frolic across the street I might have to think twice:) I wonder what will happen when hit up the ski slopes if I can't even make it across the road.....

BTW I got a new Coldplay album today, ''Prospekt's March", and am in love for the moment.

If Im as bad as you, what good are we to eachother?

So Im really addicted to the song the song, ''Tomorrow's Ending" by Tickle Me Pink right now. Its kind of weird because its not really the type of music Im into that much right now but yeah I love it.(I quickly made that video so I could hyperlink it to my blog)
Anyway, Im basically just enjoying having free time this week since next week I work a substantially heavier amount of hours. The free time is nice but I will not mind the extra cash and the feeling of being a little more productive.
So it would not be my typical blog if I did not have a rant. Im tired of people always looking for something else without ever paying attention to what is right in front of them. What makes people do this? How do I get noticed? Its just kind of frustrating. There is one caveat though, am I doing the same thing? Who or what am I missing out on or passing by? Thats kind of whats been on my mind lately.

Quantum of Solace

Yay for midnight showings of movies! The one thing about midnight showings is that people never want to go alone. This means that people will actually come and play with me when I invite them for once! Anyway I am excited for the movie and the good times.
Oh and before I forget, it is stunningly beautiful outside today. It definitely doesn't feel like November. This is good and bad because I am not ready for complete cold but I am ready to shred it up this ski season. Since I am not currently enrolled in classes I plan on skiing any day possible. Also the next time I work I am going to buy a new camera so everything should be well documented.
Just a quick update for today :)
PeACe

Typical

So its been a very rough week so far but I did get to go to a fun concert last night. Hawthorne Heights, Emery, and Tickle Me Pink came to Boise yesterday. I listened to Hawthorne Heights in high school but once I got into college that really wasn't my 'scene' anymore. The other bands I never listened to before so I wasn't expecting much.
Okay okay back to the beginning. I never thought I would be going because I am cheap and haven't listened to any of the bands in a long time, if ever. I was just going about my business as normal when my buddy, Rose-who i met at USU- sent me a text and told me she got free tickets to the show. I could never pass up something free even if i didn't have any interest in it. So I cleared my schedule which wasn't much because I don't really have any friends anymore.
I drove down to Rose's house and we carpooled to the show( arriving fashionably late). First up was Tickle Me Pink had some really catch songs like the one called Typical, which i liked due to my current relationship status. They also were just plain entertaining. I would have enjoyed them even if I hated their music.
Next came Emery. Not really much to say besides it was just fun to be at a live show. Ive never really been a fan of their music and at this point I was just excited to see Hawthorne.
So finally Hawthorne Heights came out. The first song was off their new album and i hadnt ever listened to it before wasnt too great but it was kinda just like a warm up. The rest of their set was very good. They played many of the songs that I like off their older albums and even did a sweet little accoustic set. It was a good time and it felt good to finally get out and do something for a change.
These past couple weeks/months have been a roller coaster of emotion for me and I have let it get to me too much. Im making it a goal to live and enjoy my life and not let my stupid baggage bring me down anymore. The time is now!
PEacE

Consummatum Est!!

Finally the day has come and in a few hours all of this election noise will be over. Eighteen months of pain and we are finally at the end or at least we will have a break. Don't get me wrong, I do enjoy politics and the discussions that result. Just these passed two weeks have been miserable. All everyone talks about are candidates, each trying to sway those around them. For the first time in my life it has made me sick to even think about anything related to politics. This is probably all due to the fact that this is the first chance I have had to vote in a major elections so I should probably just put my big boy pants on and accept that I am growing up. Anyway I am just glad to have a little break where I can take a breath and recuperate from all the the political ads and hidden agendas of the media.
Oh November, whatever shall i do with thee. I really need to find some more things or people to take up my time. It is a little harder for me to go play disc golf everyday so I often find myself just trying to find things to do to waste away my day. If darn Best Buy would just give me some more hours I would be so happy. I love going to work, playing with cameras and helping people get something that will fit their needs. It is very satisfying. In the coming weeks I expect that my hours will pick up due to the Christmas season. Enough with that, on to my next rant.
I having really been missing my friends that are on missions right now, specifically Spenser and Alecs. Its just killing me not to be hanging out with them right now. It would probably help if I wrote them more but for some reason I just cant get into the habit of it.
Im so bored.....
I just want to have a conversation of substance with someone of my same age. If you're up to it give me a holler!
Peace

Ad Astra Per Aspera

Listening to:
Song im addicted to!
Death Cab for Cutie- Plans
Zero 7- The Garden
(John Mayer-Continuum jumped in for the last two-thirds because i took a break)

It rained today and threatens to do so againwith ominous gray overcast skies.

I didn't go to the disc golf tourney because of the poor weather.Its alright though because i was scared to get destroyed especially with the added weather elements. I wouldn't stand a chance.

Its is a beautifully gloomy fall day perfectly ripe for a nice cozy cuddle. That's probably the thing i miss most about having a girl. Depressing.

I love hats, shoes, and discs. When i see them i just want to buy them and go out, play and be momentarily happy.

I really want to get a puppy but in my current situation my parents wouldn't be too happy about that since we already have one pampered pooch.

I wish i could get some more hours at work to quell my restlessness but i guess i should be grateful just to have a decent job in this market. It is pretty chill that i just get to mess around with cameras all day though.

When you're dreaming with a broken heart waking up is the hardest part.

RAnDom

It is Halloween and im going to a concert that i know nothing about, we shall see how that turns out..............
Im playing a disc golf tourney tomorrow :/ yikes
All my friends are so far away from me or not talking to me :/ lame
I don't update my blog as much as i want to and am not sure if i will continue it.........
Also best buy needs to give me some more hours!
That is all.....
B0O

Smiles from on high

Today was another beautiful fall day with near perfect weather! With these beautiful days it is hard for me to feel sorry for myself or to be sad. I look around and see the grandeur that god has provided me with and i cant deny that happiness that it brings my soul. I truly believe that today was a tender mercy from heaven at least for me. I just wanted to share that with whoever reads this. That is all.....
Pce

Im sinking like a stone in the sea

Well I've been trying to write this for the past three days but every time i try i just can get anything to come out. A quick update on my life though....I finally got a job! I got a job at Best Buy in the digital imaging department, so basically i am selling digital cameras and camcorders. I think this will be good because i am really into photography-well at least with my 35mm- so stepping into the digital age will probably be a good step forward for me. Finally one thing in my life seems to be going well again.
Everything else in my life though still feels like it is falling apart. I'm not really sure what i want out of life right now or how to go about it once i decide. There is however one thing i know i want, someone to love and in return someone to love me. I miss feeling completely enveloped by the warmth of unconditional love between another human being and myself. I'm tired of seeing and interacting with a couples that you can just tell are completely in love and finding myself feeling sick because i yearn for that feeling so bad. I'm not sure if there is anything that i really can do that will have a catalytic effect to help me start moving toward that blissful feeling again but i need to try something.
I think it will be nice to start working again and hopefully begin to fall back into a routine. I feel like if i can do that some of the other things in my life that are askew will start to fall back into place.
In the mean time im going to try enjoy the fall by hiking, disc golfing, and enjoying the company of my friends.
Peace

Take the Hinges Off the Door

*Disclaimer-small rant below*

I don't understand age differences in relationships. Today when i was waiting for some friends to come play disc golf with me two cars pulled up. In one car was a man that seemed to be in his early thirties and the other a young girl who seemed to be high school age, maybe a college freshman if you are really pushing it! So the young lady gets out of her car and starts to walk toward the car of the creepy old army man. When she gets there they kiss a few time and there is a lot of physical contact which makes it very clear that they have some sort of romantic relationship. This girl was attractive and seemed to be relatively normal. The guy was in no way attractive and in my observations and interactions with him lead me to believe he was kind of a jerk.
First off i don't really understand how this happens. How can you have a relationship with someone that wasn't or maybe just barely was born in the same decade as you. Maybe its just the age i am but i cant really see dating a girl that was within one to two years of my age either way. I just don't understand how a relationship with a difference more than that even works.
The second thing that really grinds my gears about relationships like that is that for the guys from 19 years old until they turn at least 21 it makes it pretty hard to even get girls to notice you. It all just makes me frustrated partially because i just don't understand it and partially because what i do kind of understand i just think is lame.
That is all
Peace

Facta Non Verba

In my senior year of high school I took AP English from Mrs. Norton. When we would read anything-from Lord of the Flies to any of the Shakespeare plays- there was one phrase she would always pound into our heads, order from chaos. That is probably one of the only things I consciously remember from that class but after the past few confusion filled weeks I really hope it is true.
I really wish Mrs. Norton still taught so i could go back and ask her how long it takes for that order to come because I am really tiring of the chaos. I know it seems like im just whining but i yearn for a routine again, i ache for stable relationships with those in my life, and most of all i just want to feel like i am back on the path of my life. Right now i just feel like my life is passing my by while i lay here in a self induced coma.
In this time of confusion my sources of solace are listening to and buying vinyl records(If you have read my previous blogs you know i LOVE vinyl), shopping at REI, and just being outdoors. There is a strange peace that i get when i go out for a hike or climb in the perfect fall weather and just marvel at the beauty of gods creations. Also i have developed a liking for the sport of disc golf. It is nice because you can just play it by yourself so you dont have to worry about other people bailing on you.
I really do like life and am sure i will learn something important to the success of my later life out of this crazy confusing time.
*I know i havent written in a while and it helps me clear my thoughts so ill probably start updating my blog a couple times a week or so*

Bullet Proof

You wake up forenoon on a beautiful day between the night of summer and the the morning of fall. Everything is in its place and you have fallen back into the monotonous but comforting routine that comes when school starts and life is all back on schedule. Being youthful, healthy and vivacious death and harm do not even enter the gates of your thought.

At this pinnacle of perceived sanctuary from mortal laws a devastating disruption occurs. A mind dampening event to bring you back from a false security. Whether a disaster, a mental downfall or even a death of a loved one instantaneously induces personal reflection. Reality crashes back down on you with an avalanche of disbelief.

This has happened to me twice in the last to month, tragic accidents to people that i was close with at one time or another. Some of the time it has been hard for my mind to comprehend that someone i talked to just a week ago is now close to death or has a life-long injury now. The fragility of life is being impressed upon me.

At first it scares me to think that my life my not be as long as i would have planned and that everything might not go according to the itinerary i have set. That only lasts for a short time as i move on to thinking about what is not right in my life at the moment. I don't want to leave this terra firma with harsh feelings between a family member or pretty much anyone and myself. I don't want to die with out at least being headed in the direction of a my potential. I don't want to leave without telling those i love of that love i have for them. Basically i don't want to have spent my time here in waste.

If there is anything we can do to honor those who we are close to or even those we aren't it is to learn a lesson about life. Not only can we learn a great lesson but we have the chance to implement its practices in our life. This in my opinion is a great opportunity.

As a result of this i am really making it a goal to fix a few of the things in my life that aren't quite right whether big or small. I also pledge to try my best to keep nothing but good feelings in my relationships with my fellow man as much as possible. Hopefully in doing these things i may grow to be a better person.

Dried Flowers and Stainless Steel

So today I basically did not do as much as i would have hoped but it still was a pretty great day. Why you ask? Well first off i woke up and watched a few episodes of a the latest TV series I am working on. I really like TV shows because there is so much more character development and plot twists and general drama i guess. You just cant get that in a movie due to sheer lack of time. In my opinion that is why we are seeing so many trilogies and so on these days, you really do need more than two hours.
Anyway for the afternoon i kind of just did some stuff around the house and talked to my mom, which is always good. It made me realize that i really don't get to just talk to my mother enough and i think it is really good for both me and my mom to get a chance to catch up on each others lives.
After that my mom said she had some errands to run at Target and at REI. For those who know me at all you aren't surprised at all that i will put up with just about anything for a trip to REI. I know its a little overpriced but for me it is the best toy store around.
So i get in the car and my mom tell me that we actually have to go pick up Connor(my little brother) from x-country which is in the opposite direction of REI so i was a little bit upset. After picking up Connor we hit the Target. After working there a couple of years back that store has lost all magic for me, if it ever had any. There is however on thing that i still enjoy when i go there and it is reading the titles to a certain romance novel company. Harlequin Presents is the name and blatant titles is their game. With titles such as "Virgin for the Billionaire's Taking","The Marciano Love-Child" and "Caretti's Forced Bride" it is impossible to mistake the contents of these fine works. I love to read the titles out loud in a slightly louder than normal voice so the many other patrons of the store may also enjoy this hearty literature.
Finally onto the fun, REI. I walked through the glorious ice pick handled doors into my wonderland. Right when i walked in i saw my prey, the red clearance tubs scattered throughout each section like stockings hung over a fireplace. Well maybe not that good but since it is a little over priced most of the things i purchase are usually on sale or in the clearance tubs. I was looking at some pants for rock climbing when my mom walked up behind me and set a hiking hat on my head and told me that she saw it in a tub and thought i might like to try it on. On first impressions i thought it looked a little strange but it quickly grew on me. The original price was 50 bucks and there is no way i would ever be able so afford that but i saw that it was marked down to 20 dollars. Still a little bit steep for a kid with no job but i set out to see the rest of the store while i made up my mind. After intense deliberation-due to the short amount of time- i decided that it was as good of a buy as i could get and that i would indeed purchase my crown. So i toted my bounty up to the cash register to pay when i found out that the hat was really only nine dollars. At this point i was so excited that i about kissed the guy the working the register. I left in hast thinking that if i stuck around they might chance their minds about the price.
80% off! I still cant believe it. It was the highlight of my day. I guess its just one more reason for me to love REI.
It kind makes me feel like a girl to be so excited about shopping but hey i now am the proud owner of and Equator Expedition Series hat so boo to that.
Happy Bargains
Peace

Easy Like a Sunday Morning

Yesterday(Sunday) was so cold! I don't understand it. The week before school started the high temperatures were no less than 95 degrees. For the past few days it has seemed like the highs are only about 60 degrees. I actually wore a sweatshirt yesterday! That is ridiculous for August in Idaho. Maybe at least it will start snowing or something in about a month and we can get ski season going before Halloween.

I am not ready for summer to end though. There are too many things this summer that i was planning to do in the next few weeks that i really want to get done. Well maybe not all of them but at least a majority of them. I call shenanigans on global warming, and im going to stop recycling or commuting on my bike until i get my normal weather back!

Onto a new subject, on Saturday i bought a deep fryer! I cant believe it has taken me this long to get one because pretty much all my favorite foods require one. Yes i know that i will probably die a lot sooner and maybe gain a few more pounds in the next few weeks but i think it is worth it for those delicious deep fried foods. I look forward to some good food and good fun with new recipes. I am always welcome to suggestions:)

Now let me tell you about another one of my favorite things, Sunday. It is a day that is pretty much perfect, a little bit of church, some relaxation, usually good food and family time. Sundays are pretty much just great days and i look forward to them every week. Also they are good to catch up on reading, journal writing, and the lives of friends and family that you don't see everyday.

*Job update* I quit working for Cutco because it was too high pressure for me so i am back on the market for a new job.....again.

Snow is Cold Rain

Today it was all i could do to just wake up. I don't start training for my new job until tomorrow and i really don't have anything i need to do until Ultimate at about 6:00 pm. I always get more excited the closer i get to ultimate. I kind of just wanted to sleep until then so i wouldn't just be awake looking for things to do so i don't feel lazy. I do know that sleeping all day is probably the pinnacle of laziness but i really didn't know what i would do to fill the time. I'm glad i got up because i set up my record player yesterday for the first time since i have been back in Boise. Let me talk about records for a second or two.
If you know me at all you know that i absolutely love my record player, my records, the record exchange and pretty much anything associated with my vinyl friends! When ever i put on a record it just makes me so happy. Being easily amused is beautiful. The sound of vinyl is just so unique and beautiful that digital music pales in comparison to me. Any music that was made before our whole digital music/studio artists age sounds completely different on the record player as opposed to playing the digital file of a computer or mobile audio device. In my opinion/observation i think that this is simply because the the since is was recorded on and for vinyl that obviously it wont sound as good as a digital file since it was not designed for that mode of playing. There is a warmth to the sound that just isn't there and even the absence of the occasional pop or click is missed. Many people like the digital versions for the reason that there are no pops or clicks or blemishes to the sound, but for me it just adds to the ambiance of the music. After all in the peak of play time for that music those pops and clicks were there and therefore are really a part of the music.
Another thing that i absolutely love about vinyl is the fact that you get twelve inch album art. I enjoy the large space and seeing what each artist decides to do to fill that space. Another drawback for most people is that it is harder just to play one track....well it is annoying to say the least so when i choose records to buy they have to be ones where the album is put together really well as a whole and flows. There are so many artists now days that seem to only have a single or two on each album that are really worth listening to with the rest of the album just being filler.
I adore vinyl records! I'm glad to have found my passion for them and feel that is very worthwhile. Today i was able to rekindle that passion that i haven't had for the past few weeks. So from starting off as a day the I wasn't looking forward to and almost dreading it turned out really well and I'm having a wonderful day!
Trust the Music
Peace

Buck3t List

Well i have a bucket list already in my journal but it needs some editing and separation into to parts. The first part will be a bucket list for the death of my single life and the second part will be my overall mortal downfall.

*Disclaimer*- In no way do i feel like getting married is a negative part of life. There are just a few things i would like to do first. Hopefully on the journey of completing some of those things i will learn things that make me a better husband and father.

Part 1 Premarital List

• Hike the Centennial Trail-1200 miles from the southern edge of idaho to canada
• Red point a 5.11c(rock climbing lingo)
  
• Back country ski pow pow that is waist deep
• Climb Longs Peak, Mt Borah, Mt Olympus and Mt Rainier
• Read the Book of Mormon from start to finish without stopping(except for food)
• Run another marathon or ultra marathon
• Climb Mt Everest if financially possible
• Break the 200 mile per hour mark(doesn't matter what vehicle)
• Tour Europe on a bike
• Surf in California
• Grow a beard:)(don know if that will be possible)
• Come closer to Christ
• Help someone else come closer to Christ
• Serve in the Peace Corps
• Ride my bike only for one month
  

Part 2 After Marriage/Overall life

• Climb Mount Everest if i dont complete this before marriage
• Become an Ophthalmologist
• Adopt at least one child
• Run an Ironman and win my age category
• Race at least one race in the professional cycling circuit
• Go on a mission with my wife(service and religious)
• Regain faith in humanity (if ever lost)
• Be the oldest man to climb Mount Everest
• Play lots of ultimate especially after i retire
• Go to every National Park in the United States
• Travel the world with my spouse
• Learn to play the Banjo
• Teach my children to appreciate art
• Give Back more than i have been given

Im sure there are things that i will have to come back and add or edit later but for the moment thats where my list stands. Well it looks like there is a lot to do so i better get to it!
Peace

Knives are a boys best friend!

So i got a job at a knife company called Cutco. I am just excited to have a job that is really flexible and seems like if i like it that it could pay pretty well. Im still going to be searching for a job that is perfect but at least ill be making a little green till then!
I also realized that for some reason i do pretty well in interviews. Im pretty glad about that and hope it will come into play when im trying to get into med school and start my career. Thats a long way of but i guess practice cant hurt.
If this job works out or i find a better one i think this will be a very good fall!

Working for a Living

Well it has now been a few weeks since i have had a job and im not saying that it sucks, but i am going crazy. Everyday feels so unproductive and financial stresses hang over me like a dark cloud no matter what im doing.
So just get a job, right?
Job hunting is something that sounds so easy but when it comes down to it, unless you know someone or have a hook up it is really hard. At this stage in life it isn't even worth all the crap you have to go through because its only going to last a few months to a year anyway. Find the job with the right number of hours, the right pay per hour, the right days off, and i guess one that you can trick into hiring you.
Is it really worth all that effort?
Theoretically i like to think that i could just pick up the best job i could get and just deal with it for the few months or so that i would be working there. The problem is i cant bring myself to do it.
So for now i will just keep looking for the perfect job and try to enjoy the free time while i have it.
Peace